When Kaitlyn has a nightmare, it plays out like a horror movie: aliens attacking; humans being flayed; monsters eating her alive; lots of blood and gore and pain and violence.

When I have a nightmare, it's about people being mean and petty and betraying each other. Kaitlyn finds it amusing - she says that it figures that my brain finds the thing most devestating to me (humans not living up to their potential). Whereas she has very low expectations about humanity to begin with, so her nightmares are generally about some outside influence or catalyst that allows humans to unleash their worst.

I guess it's kind of funny, maybe. She woke me up this morning and I had torn apart the bed in my dreaming. She asked what was wrong, and - still half alseep - I started crying about how the Cats had all abandoned me, and wouldn't listen...

how we had all been at a rent house together for a vacation, but at the end of the vacation, nobody was helping pack our belongings or clean up the place. There were plants to be watered, and food to put away, and the carpet was a mess with empty soda cans and the crumbs of multiple meals eaten in front of the television. When we got back (to school, wtf?) we found a message from the rental agency with a $90 bill for extra clean-up and damages to the property. Everyone turned to me and went, "oh, um, I guess you were right."

But then they all just expected me to fix everything and pay the bill all by myself (because clearly it was my fault that I hadn't cleaned properly) - I just said "I can't deal with this right now" and left to go sit outside under some trees. The worst part about the nightmare was that it wasn't just people, it was the Cats.

Bleh.

So, anyway, Kaitlyn finds it funny that our brains know just the right way to really get to us.

This is the recipe for the Moon Pie that I baked this TDay.
The recipe comes from my all-time favorite cookbook, Cooking Like A Goddess by Cait Johnson.
(Turns out, she's got another cookbook that I don't own yet! Thank you, Amazon.)

Moony Apple Pie
serves 6-8

1 no-dairy crust (below)
2 cups firm, tart apples - peeled, cored, and sliced
(1/3) cup raisins (optional)
4 large eggs
(3/4) cup maple syrup or honey
1 cup plain lowfat or nonfat yogurt
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
(1/2) teaspoon cinnamon
(1/4) teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375
Make the no-dairy crust (the moon pie calls for this specific crust because the 4 eggs in this pie means that you don't need all the butter that is used in a typical pie crust). In unbaked shell, spread the apple slices and raisins evenly.

In a blender, combine the eggs, maple syrup or honey, yogurt, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt - and blend until creamy.

Pour the custard over the apples and bake in preheated oven for about 1 hour, or until set. Allow to cool before serving.

I didn't use raisins, and I used honey. If you care about picky details - I used Gaia apples, nonfat yogurt, and cage-free eggs...


Classic No-Dairy Crust
makes 1 crust

(1/2) cup whole wheat flour
(1/2) cup unbleached white flour
Dash salt
scant (1/2) cup vegetable shortening
1 to 1+(1/2) tablespoons ice water

In a large mixing bowl, combine both flours and salt.
With two knives (or a pastry blender) work in the vegetable shortening.
Then add the ice water, mixing quickly until dough will form a ball.
Wrap and refrigerate until ready to use. When ready to use, roll out dough and place in a 9-inch pie plate.

I'm thankful that the initial diagnosis of Kaitlyn's knee is "stretched" not torn.

I'm thankful that I know my way around enough now that, even when it's dark and rainy, I feel comfortable dropping Kaitlyn off at work & running errands with the car.

I'm thankful that I was smart enough to take my iPod to the Wegmans (at 4:30 on the Wed before Thanksgiving) and was not trying to hurry through the shopping.

I'm thankful that, no matter how many grocery carts were involved in that traffic jam in front of the dairy case, everyone kept smiling.

I'm thankful that Kaitlyn was at work when I went shopping, instead of trying to keep her temper in check during that crazy.

I'm thankful that I have a fantastic recipe for a "pie" that I'm going to spend the blissful evening baking for tomorrow.

I'm thankful that I have a warm, cozy home in which to do baking & that I had the extra money to afford to purchase ingredients to bake something.

I'm thankful that I've got you (yes, you!) - and that you took the time to read a bit about me today. Thank you for caring for me!

This might be a little absurd... but I am extremely proud anyway:

I just beat Super Mario Bros. 3

I did it entirely on my own, from the bigging with no help... and I didn't use any of the warp whistles! I'm very pleased with myself =)

Dar Williams

I sat down to eat a lonely bowl of pea soup...
and got a message from Karen asking after my day. This led to an AIM convo, during which I discovered that Karen was at Kelly & Jared's for a board game night.

Why are we not on Skype? I say...
So I got to eat a very pleasant dinner while talking "face-to-face" with some of my favorite people in the world. It was both oddly disconcerting, and yet extremely satisfying to look up from a spoonful of soup to see other people "sitting" across from me at the table. And chatting.

Goddess bless the internet, and all the modern technology that makes 1,435 miles seem like a mere 2 feet of space shared around a dinner table. I felt like a freshman in high school again, and experiencing the miracle of sharing a meal together during freshman retreat.

Not alone, never alone.
Good to remember.

It rained the whole day, from the moment I began to emerge from dreaming to the rain drops pattering against the window right at this very second, keeping time with the tapping of my keyboard.

And a song is playing on my iTunes just now - it has the label "Kelly's Song" because I never really bothered to properly look up the true title (although I suspect that the song is simply called "It's Alright").

Kaitlyn and I had quite a row in the short space of time that it took her to pull back her hair for work, gather her sack lunch, and storm out of the apartment with a door slam that rattled the magic clock off the wall. (No worries, it did not break)

Truth is, I've known this was coming for a week or two, but didn't know how to handle myself. I had this helpless pit of frustation and hurt that only worsened the longer it went unresolved - and I couldn't figure out how to let off that steam without starting a fight. I kept trying to sublimate the feelings, trying to put off the pettiness. I hoped to hold my peace about a time-sensitive situation until after the point where the entire question had become moot. Also, it seemed to me as though if I were to voice my feelings to Kaitlyn I would simply be picking a fight - and there is no such thing as a "good time" to pick a fight!

Kaitlyn's Dad's father just recently died. My Mom's father is in the excruciating process of doing the same. Thanksgiving Day is a week away, and the winter holidays just beyond that...

Hearing my mother's voice at the other end of a telephone call was like the blue blanket I loved as a child; safety and warmth, but still oddly rough and a bit painful. My bu-blanky, after all, had been snitched from an airplane back in the years when airline blankets were uncomfortable.

So there it was: the solace of mommy, mixed with the harsh reality that my adult life is my own - I will never again have all the things that I love all in the same place at the same time. I cannot go 'home' for the holidays without lacking something vital. Mom says to me that it's okay to choose my wife over my parents - after all, she's been married for decades and can count on one hand the number of times she 'went home' to spend holidays with her parents. It was a reality that I knew, but had never really thought about until she pointed it out.

Mom also reminded me that, with Chicago a brief exception, Kaitlyn has never lived apart from her parents. And, I silently added to myself, even if she had - her relationship with her family of birth is ... different. The long and the sort of that train of thought is this: Kaitlyn does not know what it feels like, how it hurts. Couldn't possibly understand - through no fault of her own - that I was feeling her actions and choices like sandpaper across that wound.

And, Mom and I both know that there's very little that can convey to an outsider what it is like to experience life as one of our family.

... I was just thinking about Kelly, during high school. Even now, actually - no matter what has come and gone since then - there was a time that my family enfolded her and, I think, she knew it. The same is true of others as they have gained importance in my life... when I sent an email to friends recently to organize some show of support for Karen - it was actually my mother who responded first. And with the most to offer, too. She followed up an email with a phone call to offer plane tickets, if what Karen needed most was our actual presence...

What makes a family, after all?

I can't go down to Jtown for Thanksgiving, not knowing how much it is going to cost us. Seeing my family, versus our happiness and wellbeing.. It's like comparing a priceless apple to a priceless orange. If this is one quandry that does not have a simple solution... perhaps the simplest answer is the best I will be able to get: just stay put. Save my travels for a better time - better for all of us, even?

I just don't know for sure anymore how to measure what makes something "better"... I'm not even certain that I can make that judgement for myself! Perhaps right now, I will cast a baleful eye at the skies; blame it on the rain. The winter sun setting so early, and leaving us in darkness too quickly.

I am trying to patiently wait for the snow to come. Softer. Drifting lazily into banks that glitter in the reflected sunlight - a pristine contrast to this forbidding, relentless deluge.

Up here in the north, when I admit that I am searching the skies, eager for the blizzard-to-be, I am greeted by quizzical expressions and skepticism. But, even though she lives in a southern sun-scorched land, my mother has always understood what I am looking for in the clouds.

In case anyone didn't know, Karen and I have been actively working on the BAC comic.
(For reals this time.)

I've set aside the time specifically for the comic on Sunday mornings, when Kaitlyn is hosting the 7th Sea game. I sit at the kitchen table so that I'm around all the people, but far enough that we don't distract each other (too badly)...

Originally, Karen and I were trying to pick up where we had initially left off: "transcribing" the original BAC fics into a script for Karen to illustrate. Way back "in the day" Karen and I had gotten the work done for a whole first issue, and set out some concept work for issue #2. We picked that up & started working again - I got the whole way into issue #3 when everything pretty much unraveled.

I had given issue #1 to Kaitlyn to review. And... well... there was a lot of work to be done. Tons of feedback from non-Cat sources pretty much told us what we already knew, but had been ignoring: (1) some of the original fics are pretty much Truly Awful, (2) some of the orginal content does not work at all unless you already "know" the Cats, and (3) the comic book cannot start the same place that the original fics start - there must be a sequence of comics establishing the characters and their basic plot.

And, Lo! There was a great and mighty Retcon.

After extended conference with Karen via AIM and phone and email, we made some changes, both major and minor. For example, the Black Alley Cats:

now live and work in Dallas, TX (instead of NYC)
will form up as their own group (instead of "breaking away" from an established group in Japan)
start as Amata going along with a crazy idea that Zahnnie has (instead of starting as a 10+ girl team)
have lost a vast number of superpowers and abilities (looks in Zahnnie's direction)

Furthermore, all villians are subject to revision (most of the older villians will be adapted to a world more closely modeled on the content of the most recent fics, such as Mina's story Fox Tales). The "Prophecy" plot arc is still going to be the major plot sequence for the first batch of comics - but the baddie, Nightbringer, has been slightly revised and renamed for stronger plot purposes.

Another really big change is that the characters who will be included in the plot as part of the "Black Alley Cats" will ultimately be a much smaller group. Some plans have been made to include Cats (original high school friends) in cameos, or as extra non-BAC characters. So far, the BAC definitely include Amata and Zahnnie - with immediate plot to add in Alia and Guenh, followedby Lady Wil and Mus.

Ari's BAC character has already made a cameo, but has been renamed (so as to have a fictional name in the stories, rather than use her legal name). The current plan is for Ari and Sarah's characters to be twin sisters who work as club bouncers... and possibably weapons dealers on the side.
Former BAC conversions planned for future comics:
Kristi's character to work as a BAC-sympathetic county coroner with a fondness for gummibears.
Keary's character to work as the local witchy-store owner

Not sure about anything else, yet.

As of five minutes ago, I have completed the first draft of the retconned Vol 1, Issue 1.
Yatta!

Now we'll see what the critics say about it. =)

Updates!

I have been keeping myself busy lately with a little bit of work, a little bit of cleaning, and a little bit of television. I'm watching Dancing with the Stars (of course), but also checking out that new series "V" - so far, I'm cautiously optimistic about the potential of the show. Castle makes a triumphant return, too; I end every Monday night loving that night's episode even more than the one before.

In other news, Kaitlyn's 7th Sea RPG continues on Sunday mornings. Last Sunday coincided with Kaitlyn's day off, so after the playing wrapped up, we spent the rest of the day with Sean and Mizzy (spelling?).

We hung out for a bit, then went to see "2012" at the Tinseltown. Don't ask me about that movie - I cried the entire way through, literally from beginning to end. Mental note to self: utter devestation of the world is not a good theme for an anthropologist. I keep sobbing to Kaitlyn, "but all the people, all the people and places and histories and culture..." I also had moral problems with the plot line. So, basically, go see it if that sort of thrill ride is already your cup of tea (otherwise, stay home and be thankful).

We picked up take-away on our way to Sean & Mizzy's house after the movie, to watch Sky High for shits n' giggles. (It made me happy again, Yay!)

In other RPG news: there's a Demongate High game starting up on Friday mornings, and I'm really jazzed about the character I've been creating. I'm also super excited because Sean is the narrator for the game & I can already tell that he has an awesome sense of character and plot lines. Can't wait!

Work continues on the BAC comic - I'll put that in a separate post, though. =)
Office work is a little slow right now, but I recently closed a big-revenue case & totally earned my next paycheck.

In between all this, I've been playing through Dragon Age (highly recommend) - and I've recently made it the whole way through to world 7 in Super Mario Bros 3 (my game currently has 99 lives and a full inventory of power-ups). I knew I had mad skillz, I just had to find them again.

Last, but not least, Kaitlyn and I took the car in for an oil change and to tighten the screws - in anticipation of going down to Jtown the weekend after Thanksgiving! Can't wait to see the family again =) Mom wants to talk about wedding dress shopping. YAY

Okay, let me just say that if this had been real life, I would have absolutely handled the situation better. Having said that, here's my favorite personal anecdote from playing Dragon Age, so far...

So, I'm leading my group up a besieged mage tower.
I'm an elemental mage (who is foregoing 'earth' type magic in order to sink some talent into a separate class of healing magics). In my party I've also got a two-handed swordsman who goes by the name of Bobby Badass. He doesn't speak much. Then I've got a bard who turns out to have some decent skill at archery. I gave her some flaming arrows and told her to go to town.

Guiding us up this tower is one of the mages of the tower - a woman specialized in healing magic, and pretty much useless for anything else. But that's okay, because the tower is besieged by demons and abominations; I am more than glad to let someone else focus fully on the healing. Leaves me to handle tactics, and do some damage.

We get up into the chapel on the third floor of the tower, and there's no enemies around. So we take our time healing up & poking about the room (I was also asked by some guy to find a "place of power" in the Tower somewhere, and do a thingie) - So I'm thinking, maybe the chapel is good enough for a vague "place of power"...

The main statue of the goddess-type figure of this realm has been toppled, and upon closer inspection, there's something encased in the base of the statue - now exposed.

It's a smallish crystal vial. Inside the vial is a swirling blackness. The vial seems to emit a bone-deep coldness... This is the point where, in real life, my response would be completely different, I swear. Because I can hear all of you out there saying, "run! Run away! Don't mess with the swirling blackness! Don't you read fantasy novels? Haven't you watched enough scifi movies? Didn't you play plently of video games before this?!! RUN AWAY YOU STUPID TWIT!"

The computer gives me the following options:
(1) Pick up the vial
(2) Do nothing to the vial and walk away.

Now, if your spider sense was not already tingling, let me also mention that - up until now - this is the same computer that typically gives you four or five options, various yes/no/maybe combos that cover a variety of nuances and motivations. I must admit that I experienced a thrilling chill that ran up my spine at the ominous deviation from this pattern.

So I went with option # 1: pick up the vial.
To which the computer tells me in beautifully vivid detail that the vial shattered as soon as my fingers brushed against it. And the swirling blackness releases into the room (conveniently right next to my healer)...

A Revenant.

We all died - very, very, very quickly thereafter.

Yes, I absolutely know that in real life, when one encounters mysterious vials of swirling blackness... Never Touch The Vial. But this was just a game, and I had just recently saved after all - and it was such a (pretty)(horrifing)(fabulous)(hilarious)(gruesome) death.

So Kaitlyn commented on my uber-geekery.
And then, because she was feeling bad that she burst my bubble of sunshine, she said:
Well, you never know - the Black Alley Cats could become a famous web comic...
... and then you could be sitting on a panel at a con with the Penny Arcade guys...
... and they could introduce you to Wil Wheaton!...
... and then he could introduce you to Felicia Day...
...
... and then we'd have to have a big ol' orgy.
(And then she talked smack about the guys from Penny Arcade & said they'd just have to watch)

I say: yeah... right. LOL

PS. I'm going to post more about my favorite part of Dragon Age so far (but I have to go watch a couple episodes of Naruto first). (yes, yes, I know).

/dork

Okay, this is probably the most dorky (worst?) thing I've ever done in my entire life...
(And Kaitlyn is already holding her head and groaning at me, and my obessive tendencies)

Anyway, today I finally botched my resolve check, and totally failed my saving roll - and was consequently unable to keep my fangirl in check any longer. I posted a comment on the LJ feed where I read Wil Wheaton's blog.

The dorky part about this was that I immediately became worried about whether or not my LJ looks presentable. I thought to myself, "oh my goodness! I just posted this comment & on the off-chance that someone reads it, they might follow the link back to my LJ to find out a little about who I am!!" - This was followed by a critical re-reading of all my most recent posts, worrying over how trite or silly or drugged up on novocaine I sound.

Is that level of dork surpassed by the fact that I'm now posting a frantic self-depricating word burp about it?

...

Probably.

In other news: Kaitlyn and I bought Dragon Age: Origins, and have been playing nearly all day long. It is rather lovely & I would definitely recommend for gamer/geeks out there. As if the 9's and 9.5's that game reviewers have been giving it wasn't already enough of a reason to play the game.

I heard that Morgan got himself a copy of the game, too (duh - dragon age, go figure)... wish there was a multiplayer option - a version of the game that could run something like a mini-WoW... that would be nifty.)

Two confessions that have nothing to do with each other:
1) I have always been secretly afraid that I have something outrageously wrong with me - the best example being my fear that I've got a tapeworm. Totally off the wall, right? And yet, the fear has plagued me for as long as I can remember...

2) I have never actually participated in NaNoWriMo (http://www.nanowrimo.org/)
My internet self has been linked into various obsessively writing communities for years, however - so every October I listen & watch as just about "everyone I know" gears up for NaNo... and every November I lurk all the conversations, LJs, blogs, and posts that NaNos inevitably write as they chronicle their personal descent into utter madness.

But I've never actually tried to "do" NaNoWriMo, myself.

I just found out that a friend IRL is participating in this year's NaNo ... I didn't even realize that she knew about NaNo. How do you (sane) people find out about these things?