This post is a little bit after the fact - I am writing this preface so that no one feels worried about making any hurried "are you okay?" phone calls. Of course, I welcome phone calls for both of our sakes - but I do want people to know, going in to this note, that Yes I'm Just Fine.
So, I've got a bunch of stuff that's been in my head lately. Dunno why; I guess there's a little bit of this and a little bit of that. One thing that touched this of was a particularly bad night the other night - complications from pms, I think - but Kaitlyn was at work, so I was home by myself & I ended up very upset (with myself). I put on my favorite pair of sleeves, and thought about how wonderful my parents have been, actually.
I sat curled up at the top of the stairs counting the half-hours until Kaitlyn came home from work, and holding my cellphone just in case I needed to call someone. (I didn't, but I'd like to thank all the people who were probably alseep at the time, but would have been perfectly okay waking up and taking that call from me if I had needed to make it)... Anyway, that kind of thinking reminded me of when Kaitlyn and I went to Dallas for my mother's birthday party (last year??) - the Pirate party.
Dad gave me a new pair of sleeves, especially pirate-themed. He gave them to me with a smile and a sort of "just in case" - so I wouldn't have to let life keep me from staying in the room and being part of, well, life. Those sleeves aren't necessarily the pair that I tend to use; but they are one of my special treasures.
Just now, I was heating up some food for a late dinner, and I remembered this song ("Hate Me" by Blue October) - certain edits of the song begin with a recording from the musician's real life answering machine, a message left by his mother during a time in his life kinda like times that have been in my life:
(”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you are doing. You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a little... well, it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous, too. I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye”)
Today I found out that the particular person that was the reason I joined my guild has left the guild. Let me back the story up a little bit: I enjoy playing WoW when it's a game that people play together, but otherwise I could care less. If I'm not playing with people, I might as well log off and go read a book under a nice tree. A while back, Kaitlyn (being the outgoing half) introduced me to a very amiable gal who was pleasant to chat with & enjoyable to play with. She was part of a guild that she pretty much sold as "more of the same type of people, no stress" - it was almost entirely because of her that I gave the guild a go. For the longest time, she was right & the guild was pleasant, social, and decently skilled.
And then there was a exodus - a handful of people went off and joined a different guild and there was a bunch of bad energy. ... But we hung on and she, specifically, said that she would never, ever leave the guild.
Today, I found out that she & another one of my favorite guildies have left - and joined that other guild. Kaitlyn and I are just a tad bit upset about this; I don't want to put too much time bothering about what ought to just be a simple game.... but it's bothering me that online communities are basically crap. With the sole exception being, perhaps, those online connections that are an outgrowth of connections already present in real life.
So that whole mess is kind of a let down.
I've been trying to find ways to save money on wedding attire.
Kaitlyn and I both have large families, and the last thing we want to do is save money by cutting down the guest list. I'm frustrated because it's the first thing that All The Books say; if budget is a concern, reduce the guest list. But I just can't figure out a good way to cut the guest list... I dunno. Anyway, I've been surfing around trying to find a way to make a wedding dress inexpensive.
And what I discovered is that I don't really know what I want anymore.
I thought I used to know what "look" I wanted... but now I have no idea what I want the dress to look like, or the wedding ceremony, or anything really. I've totally lost the vision/concept/inspiration. I dunno. I have all of these ideas, all these different concepts that could be awesome (none of which go together) - and I almost want to say "I'll take whatever is the least expensive"
... but I don't want to look back and be disappointed.
(I must admit, I'm also having trouble envisioning my body in any wedding dresses. I just don't know what dress I could put on and look good or be comfortable in... I begining to think maybe Kaitlyn and I should just wear what we always wear: jeans and sloppy sweaters)
...
And those are pretty much the major stops along that train of thought which all lead to "... and now Amata cries."
So, I've got a bunch of stuff that's been in my head lately. Dunno why; I guess there's a little bit of this and a little bit of that. One thing that touched this of was a particularly bad night the other night - complications from pms, I think - but Kaitlyn was at work, so I was home by myself & I ended up very upset (with myself). I put on my favorite pair of sleeves, and thought about how wonderful my parents have been, actually.
I sat curled up at the top of the stairs counting the half-hours until Kaitlyn came home from work, and holding my cellphone just in case I needed to call someone. (I didn't, but I'd like to thank all the people who were probably alseep at the time, but would have been perfectly okay waking up and taking that call from me if I had needed to make it)... Anyway, that kind of thinking reminded me of when Kaitlyn and I went to Dallas for my mother's birthday party (last year??) - the Pirate party.
Dad gave me a new pair of sleeves, especially pirate-themed. He gave them to me with a smile and a sort of "just in case" - so I wouldn't have to let life keep me from staying in the room and being part of, well, life. Those sleeves aren't necessarily the pair that I tend to use; but they are one of my special treasures.
Just now, I was heating up some food for a late dinner, and I remembered this song ("Hate Me" by Blue October) - certain edits of the song begin with a recording from the musician's real life answering machine, a message left by his mother during a time in his life kinda like times that have been in my life:
(”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you are doing. You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a little... well, it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous, too. I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye”)
Today I found out that the particular person that was the reason I joined my guild has left the guild. Let me back the story up a little bit: I enjoy playing WoW when it's a game that people play together, but otherwise I could care less. If I'm not playing with people, I might as well log off and go read a book under a nice tree. A while back, Kaitlyn (being the outgoing half) introduced me to a very amiable gal who was pleasant to chat with & enjoyable to play with. She was part of a guild that she pretty much sold as "more of the same type of people, no stress" - it was almost entirely because of her that I gave the guild a go. For the longest time, she was right & the guild was pleasant, social, and decently skilled.
And then there was a exodus - a handful of people went off and joined a different guild and there was a bunch of bad energy. ... But we hung on and she, specifically, said that she would never, ever leave the guild.
Today, I found out that she & another one of my favorite guildies have left - and joined that other guild. Kaitlyn and I are just a tad bit upset about this; I don't want to put too much time bothering about what ought to just be a simple game.... but it's bothering me that online communities are basically crap. With the sole exception being, perhaps, those online connections that are an outgrowth of connections already present in real life.
So that whole mess is kind of a let down.
I've been trying to find ways to save money on wedding attire.
Kaitlyn and I both have large families, and the last thing we want to do is save money by cutting down the guest list. I'm frustrated because it's the first thing that All The Books say; if budget is a concern, reduce the guest list. But I just can't figure out a good way to cut the guest list... I dunno. Anyway, I've been surfing around trying to find a way to make a wedding dress inexpensive.
And what I discovered is that I don't really know what I want anymore.
I thought I used to know what "look" I wanted... but now I have no idea what I want the dress to look like, or the wedding ceremony, or anything really. I've totally lost the vision/concept/inspiration. I dunno. I have all of these ideas, all these different concepts that could be awesome (none of which go together) - and I almost want to say "I'll take whatever is the least expensive"
... but I don't want to look back and be disappointed.
(I must admit, I'm also having trouble envisioning my body in any wedding dresses. I just don't know what dress I could put on and look good or be comfortable in... I begining to think maybe Kaitlyn and I should just wear what we always wear: jeans and sloppy sweaters)
...
And those are pretty much the major stops along that train of thought which all lead to "... and now Amata cries."
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